Cupid's arrow hits your cable box

It's Valentine's Day, and therefore, if you're a semi-regular viewer of cable television, it's time to wallow in your misery! Nearly every channel that regularly shows films has devoted this weekend to humoring the poor, sad saps that are without a companion for the holiday. Are you a hopeless romantic who can't seem to find a man because every man today is uncouth and unsuitably impolite? Well, Oxygen's marathon of films based on Jane Austen novels is right up your alley. Are you a strong, independent woman who is obviously worthless without a mate? Because I Said So is your life in film form.

For men: are you a nice but nerdy guy who is surrounded my increasingly growing pressure to find love (or a one-night stand)? The 40-Year Old Virgin can give you your romantic comedy fix, without all of the mushiness of Lifetime fare, and with raunchier humor. Sure, it may be frustrating to see all of your friends going on movie dates with their partners to see Valentine's Day this weekend, but why waste money on a mindless romantic comedy when you can see (arguably) better films for free? The television networks know you're alone, and they know that you want to indulge in a bit of romance, even if you aren't embracing the concept in your life.

Are these movie schedule blocks patronizing? Absolutely. However, they do allow for us poor people (men: don't lie, you know you've seen most of these romantic comedies on a voluntary basis) who are tempted to make up imaginary girlfriends and boyfriends (such as 30 Rock's Liz Lemon, who, on Thursday's fantastic episode, had a fictional "astronaut Mike Dexter" ready to pick her up from a root canal, proving she won't die alone) to engage in a healthier pastime. We'll just stay in our houses on Valentine's Day with a bunch of chocolate or Ben & Jerry's (Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream, of course) and spend the day laughing and crying over our lack of an unrealistic soul mate. Laugh at us if you will, but we're the ones who are entertained all throughout the weekend. We don't have to worry about if we've bought the right gifts, picked the right restaurant, or wore the right clothes on our Valentine's Day dates. Thanks to television, we can live vicariously through the romantic trials and tribulations of fictional characters. The networks and advertisers know this, and have provided us with a bounty of romantic cheer.

Eat it up, everyone, and enjoy your Valentine's Day, whether it's with your significant other or your satellite TV. Here's a gift for you television fans:



(Found on Tumblr)